Understanding Deception

“Lying represents a failure to comprehend and a reluctance to be understood. To lie is to retreat from connection,” stated Sam Harris. Each day, we encounter various forms of dishonesty, from harmless white lies to significant breaches of trust. According to Pamela Meyer, an expert on deception and author of "Liespotting," we may be subjected to falsehoods anywhere from 10 to 200 times daily. However, Timothy Levine, another deception researcher, posits that the actual frequency might be much lower, averaging only once or twice a day. While I can't definitively say which figure holds true, it's likely that those in high-stakes professions, such as politics or law, might experience the upper range more frequently.

Regardless, we can all concur on two points: (1) we are often deceived, and (2) it would be beneficial to discern when someone is being truthful. A recent study published in the International Journal of Psychology and Behavior Analysis, led by Aldert Vriji at the University of Portsmouth, revealed that when individuals had to multitask during interviews, the stories of those lying appeared less credible compared to those telling the truth.

In this study, participants were asked to articulate their viewpoints on various societal issues (like climate change, COVID-19 measures, abortion, etc.). They were divided into two groups: one group shared their true beliefs, while the other was tasked with lying convincingly. Additionally, a subset of participants was required to memorize a car registration number while expressing their opinions.

The results were compelling. Those instructed to fabricate their opinions while also remembering the car registration number were less convincing than those who were not faced with that added cognitive burden. The study found that the pressure of remembering the number increased their cognitive load, making it harder to maintain their lies.

This all makes logical sense—lying demands more mental effort than telling the truth. Therefore, when a person's cognitive load is heightened, it complicates their ability to sustain a deception.

Though the study presents intriguing insights, it seems impractical to apply these findings in job interviews or negotiations. Asking candidates about their work history while simultaneously quizzing them on unrelated tasks might come off as gimmicky and could deter potential hires rather than identify unfit candidates.

Yet, there could be a more beneficial application of these findings. Could such techniques help us confront some of the more damaging lies we tell ourselves?

As Richard Feynman famously stated, “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself—and you are the easiest person to fool.” We often misrepresent the truth to others in an effort to enhance our image and evade judgment. This internal dishonesty mirrors that external behavior; we have a tendency to view ourselves in the best light. The adage, “Everyone is a hero in their own story,” rings true.

Most individuals are familiar with the concept of cognitive dissonance—the mental strain that arises when our beliefs clash with reality. This bias becomes particularly harmful when we fail to recognize its existence. Instead of acknowledging new evidence, we often ignore it to preserve our preferred self-image. This denial reinforces that image and justifies our disregard for the realities that challenge it.

Lies lead to more lies, and rationalizations multiply. This pattern distances us from reality and restricts our potential for growth and change. Our rationalizations safeguard our self-image, but they come at the expense of genuine self-improvement. Without the discomfort of recognizing the mismatch between our actions and our ideal selves, we lack the motivation to evolve. By shielding ourselves from these failures, we condemn ourselves to repeat them.

This brings us back to Vriji's study on deception. What if we could leverage it to identify our self-deceptions? Could it enhance our capacity for reflection and personal growth?

Another study by Tasha Eurich revealed that, despite an increased focus on introspection, many people remain unaware of their true selves. While a majority believed they were self-aware, her research indicated that only 10-15% possessed a clear understanding of their values and goals, along with how their actions aligned with or contradicted them. Simply engaging in self-reflection does not guarantee enhanced self-awareness.

In Vriji's study, by increasing participants' cognitive load, the researchers made it more challenging for liars to maintain their false narratives. This discomfort seems to be crucial. Perhaps we all need to disrupt our routines occasionally to pierce through the comforting narratives that shield us from reality.

While I don't believe there's a one-size-fits-all solution, recognizing when we become too complacent in our stories is vital. It's essential to find ways to challenge ourselves and embrace discomfort.

Consider placing yourself in new scenarios. Push yourself to break from your usual patterns. Seek out discomfort and observe the outcomes. As Naval Ravikant wisely said, “The problem with getting good at a game, especially one with big rewards, is you continue playing it long after you should have outgrown it.”

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In this TED talk, Pamela Meyer discusses how to identify deception and the psychology behind lying.

A former CIA officer shares valuable techniques for recognizing lies in everyday conversations.