Understanding the Resting Bastard Face: A Personal Journey
Written on
Chapter 1: The Unexpected Encounters
Life can throw unexpected challenges your way—sometimes quite literally. I've experienced being knocked out twice, which taught me a lot about perception and personal interactions.
The first incident occurred in 1972 while I was working at my father’s service station. It was a bitterly cold February morning, and I had to inform customers that washing windows was out of the question, as the cleaning solution would freeze. After filling a car with gas, a disgruntled driver demanded that I wash his windshield. Despite feeling frustrated, I decided to comply. The next thing I knew, I woke up on the floor, my shirt torn, while my father confronted the angry customer, who left without paying. My dad assumed I had done something wrong.
The second episode happened in a Burger King parking lot during lunch. A man, upset because he believed I was giving him "dirty looks," punched me in the head. Dazed and confused, I wondered what I had done to provoke such an aggressive response.
These experiences reinforced a feeling I had long suspected: many people form their opinions of me upon first glance. A coworker even described me as intimidating, which baffled me, as I would never intentionally harm anyone.
I lack a natural smile and used to force one, but it always appeared awkward and insincere. Eventually, I stopped trying altogether. I haven't set foot in a bar for forty years, fearing the inevitable confrontation with someone who misinterprets my demeanor.
Despite my serious exterior, I possess a deep curiosity about the world. I enjoy engaging in profound conversations, like the one I had with an aircraft carrier logistics officer on a flight. I also once probed a professor studying ape behavior at a gathering, only to realize too late that I had overstepped social boundaries.
Section 1.1: The Challenge of Small Talk
Navigating small talk has never been my forte. During a car ride with executives, I listened intently to learn how they interacted. An hour and a half in, one executive remarked, "I understand you're divorced, Glenn." When he asked if it was because I never spoke to her, I felt the heat of embarrassment.
These occurrences weren't isolated; they highlighted a need to be cautious about how I came across. A candid colleague once told me, "You've got a mean, fighting face, but it doesn't match what comes out of your mouth."
Subsection 1.1.1: Discovering Resting Bitch Face
The introduction of the term "Resting Bitch Face" was a revelation for me. I realized I was the male counterpart of this concept. Having worked with several women who fit this description, I found it enlightening to understand why people reacted to me as they did. I recognized my own traits in that label and attempted to modify my personality, but it often felt inauthentic. Eventually, I accepted who I was.
Chapter 2: A New Beginning in Corporate Life
In late 2000, I joined a Fortune 50 company, marking my first experience in a large corporate environment. They sought me out for my unique expertise, which allowed me to contribute a software solution almost immediately. Engaging with hardware vendors, I leveraged my strengths—my curiosity and my ability to ask the right questions.
As time went on, I received invitations to meetings outside my usual responsibilities. I developed a reputation as someone who could uncover details in a straightforward manner. My insecurities began to dissipate as others recognized my weaknesses as strengths. This led to numerous accolades, including prestigious company awards and stock options.
My perspective on others also shifted during this decade of personal growth. I learned to be more considerate and less indifferent. And the journey continues.
If you find a lesson in my story, I’m pleased. If not, that’s perfectly fine too.