Chapter 1: Eclipses and Their Celestial Cast

As you prepare for the upcoming solar eclipse, don't forget to don your eclipse glasses while diving into this post.

Liverpool's leading meteorologist shares their predictions for the upcoming celestial event. Remember the Beatles' classic "Here Comes the Sun"? They had other sun-themed hits like "A Hard Day's Tan" and "Maxwell’s Silver Sunblock."

Mark your calendars for Monday, April 8, 2024, as a total solar eclipse will grace the skies. It's the first total eclipse over the continental U.S. in seven years, with the next not expected until August 23, 2044. I plan to keep a lawn chair ready by my grave—who says you can’t enjoy the view from the afterlife?

A solar eclipse occurs when the Sun, Moon, and Earth align perfectly, which is known as syzygy. I once visited Syzygy on a bus tour, and yes, I still have those embarrassing postcards.

During a solar eclipse, the Moon passes directly between the Sun and Earth, casting a shadow. If you're in the darkest part of that shadow, known as the umbra, you’ll witness a total eclipse. If you find yourself in the lighter area, or penumbra, you'll only see a partial eclipse.

And if you happen to be in Siberia (the tundra), brace for even colder temperatures. If you're chopping wood (the lumbra), you might just think, "Time for dinner!" If you're grooving (the rumba), your disco ball may dim. And if you’re a rock pigeon (the columba), you’ll seek a cozy roost.

A solar eclipse can only occur during a New Moon, so don’t bother searching for a second-hand Moon; it won’t serve you well. Eclipses happen only when the Earth, Moon, and Sun align at the same nodal point. And if congestion occurs, well, that's a different kind of problem!

The obscuration during a solar eclipse refers to the percentage of the Sun’s surface covered at the peak of the event. It’s one of those amusing facts that can spark a lively conversation at a party, especially if toupees come up.

Similar solar and lunar eclipses recur approximately every 6,585.3 days, or 18 years, 11 days, and 8 hours—a phenomenon known as a Saros cycle. I think I recall Peter Fonda riding one in "Easy Rider."

On April 8, 2024, nearly everyone in the continental U.S. will have the chance to see at least a partial eclipse, though many may be distracted by their phones.

Let's be honest: a partial eclipse is nothing to write home about. Only during totality—what I like to call "The Whole Solar Enchilada"—can you truly appreciate the spectacle. You'll witness the Sun’s magnificent corona and even catch glimpses of stars during the day.

Sure, some phone addicts might also see stars in the daytime—usually after colliding with lampposts—but that doesn’t count for bragging rights.

Las Quintas Fronterizas in Maverick County, Texas, will be the first U.S. town to experience totality on that day. If you make the trip, you might even spot horses sporting amusing glasses or some Shade 14 welding helmets.

The eclipse’s path will stretch across 15 states, reaching even the far northern reaches of New Hampshire. I’d have to drive roughly three hours to get there, but instead, I opted to purchase a Star Trek™ Transporter for home use. If I end up in New Brunswick, Canada, I can always return it, assuming I manage to reassemble myself.

With about 85% of the Sun covered, you may be able to see Venus about 15° west-southwest of the Sun. If you find yourself in Paris, you can spot Venus at the Louvre, located 34° east-northeast of the Seine. Don’t expect her to wave back!

Around 31.5 million people will have the opportunity to simply step outside and gaze up at the total solar eclipse on April 8, 2024.

However, I might have a minor issue with my halo; it’s always been there, and it may block my view when I lean back. The price of being pure and good, I suppose.

In a surprising twist, it’s perfectly safe to look at an eclipse when the Moon completely obscures the Sun. That's the only time you can do so without special eye protection—believe it or not!

I tried to convey this to Bono once, but he didn’t seem interested.

The Moon is gradually moving away from Earth, meaning that in hundreds of millions of years, it will be too small to fully cover the Sun. At that point, solar eclipses will become a distant memory, so don’t book your hotel too far in advance.

As totality approaches, expect the breeze to fade, birds to stop chirping, and the temperature to drop noticeably. You might even catch a glimpse of a confused vampire—keep your collar up!

To wrap it up: during a total solar eclipse, the Sun gets mooned without anyone dropping their pants. If you decide to change that, please keep it to yourself.

Mark Armstrong is an illustrator and writer who focuses on marketing, branding, and communication. He also enjoys crafting humorous articles like this one. Discover more at Mark Armstrong Illustration.

Chapter 2: Insights from George Harrison

Watch George Harrison share his thoughts in this 1976 interview regarding his album "33 1/3." His unique perspective blends humor with music, making it a must-watch as we anticipate the upcoming eclipse.