Exploring Identity Crises: Embracing the Uncertainty of Self
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Understanding identity crises often feels like navigating a complex maze. As we attempt to shape our self-image and discover our place in the world, we frequently find ourselves feeling more adrift.
What if our approach is misguided?
What if instead of seeking answers, the journey to our authentic selves requires us to yield to the natural rhythms of life?
What if the essence of “identity crisis” lies not in the turmoil but in the concept of identity itself?
Let’s investigate the idea of surrendering our rigid identities to uncover our true selves.
Cease Your Departure, and You Will Arrive
The Path of Least Resistance
Identity crises often carry a lesson waiting to be learned. They arise for two primary reasons: either we have made mistakes, or life has unfolded in unexpected ways. Ultimately, the cause is secondary to how we respond.
When faced with an identity crisis, our instinct is often to cling to whatever semblance of meaning we can find, as if our very existence depends on it. We either strive to reclaim a past identity or search for purpose amid our suffering. While believing that everything happens for a reason can help us endure chaos, this belief can also lead us down a convoluted path.
Obsessively seeking meaning in every situation is not the best coping mechanism. Overanalyzing can lead to self-deception or avoidance of confronting raw truths.
If we refuse to let go of our old identities, we risk being stuck in the same mindset indefinitely. In my experience, this is not conducive to a fulfilling and harmonious life.
The most beneficial approach I discovered for navigating an identity crisis is the path of least resistance.
Though it may seem straightforward, this path is not without its challenges. I suggest you abandon the quest for the easiest route, as these seldom lead to genuine fulfillment. Acceptance of the situation as it is (in a positive light) is crucial.
As Elbert Hubbard wisely stated, “The path of least resistance is what makes rivers run crooked.”
Before discussing the advantages of embracing an identity crisis, we must first understand why they occur.
Imagine your true self as a river for a moment (I know it sounds cliché). A river flows effortlessly, following the path of least resistance. It doesn't force its direction; rather, it carves its own way through the landscape. While its course may alter over time, it consistently moves forward.
This is how we function when not confined by rigid identities.
Is it simpler for a river to twist and turn, finding ways to advance, instead of adhering to a straight path? Absolutely. The river instinctively finds its way because it doesn’t hesitate to forge new routes, nor does it concern itself with external judgments.
However, this fluidity does not make the river predictable or easy to manage. Each river possesses a unique ecosystem, and its untamed nature can lead to flooding and disruption.
To allow a river to thrive, it must exist in its natural form. Yet many rivers are forced into straight, concrete channels to mitigate issues. This confinement strips away their natural curves and biodiversity, rendering them predictable and less resilient to environmental shifts.
This mirrors how our identities function. They mold us into societal expectations but restrict our ability to adapt to life's unpredictable nature.
If our sense of self can be visualized as a river, and our identity constrains it to a straight path, then society acts as the rigid environment enforcing this limitation. The identity crisis represents the opportunity to return to a state of natural flow (if we allow it).
As children, we explore and carve unique paths. However, as we mature, societal norms compel us to conform, resulting in a rigid sense of identity. We become disconnected from our true selves and start to identify with externally assigned labels.
Just as a river must be restored to its natural state to regain its vitality, we must shed the labels that bind us and embrace our unique journeys. We must stop resisting the unknown and accept the state of non-definition.
This is the purpose of identity crises — to facilitate that journey.
Of course, this isn’t easy in a culture that often prioritizes conformity over individuality. Embracing the path of least resistance requires us to let go of fixed identities and accept the fluid nature of existence to find genuine peace and fulfillment.
Can you do this? Absolutely, you are capable.
Stop Searching, and You Will See
The frustration of identity crises stems from our attempts to reclaim an outdated sense of self. The discomfort of non-definition challenges societal norms that dictate we must flow in predictable ways.
As humans, we often neglect to simply be.
We exert pressure on one another to maintain definitions — to be this but not that, to hold opinions, and to conform to specific standards. This collective expectation creates a trap.
We have constructed a rigid system that stifles exploration, standardizing the beautiful diversity of human expression to the point where we forget what it means to be human.
The identity that makes us easier to categorize becomes a prison for our essence. What we perceive as “me” or “you” is merely a social construct.
Our identities are merely a collection of external influences molded to fit societal norms. Despite this, we cling to these constructed images fiercely.
Alan Watts, in The Way of Zen, describes how self-definition occurs:
- Our senses absorb external influences.
- These influences become memories in our minds.
- Memories manifest as abstract images, words, signs, and symbols.
- From these abstractions, our minds create self-images that we mistakenly accept as our true identities.
- These self-created images form our identities, leading our minds to align with their own inventions. Isn't that astonishing?
You might protest, “But this is my truth.”
However, the definition of truth is subjective. As long as we filter our perceptions through our biases, our understanding of truth will likewise be skewed.
There is no ultimate truth for the human mind. We often fail to perceive reality clearly, so how can we claim anything as absolute? It may be more accurate to say, “This is my interpretation of who I am.” This acknowledgment recognizes the limitations of our minds shaped by personal and collective experiences.
Something is considered true as long as a sufficient number of people agree upon it.
At one point, it was widely accepted that smoking posed no health risks. Then, new evidence emerged, revealing its dangers. So, what is truth, and how long does it remain valid?
The same concept applies to our identities.
At 20, my truth was that I could manage everything. I took pride in juggling numerous responsibilities. But burnout soon revealed a different reality.
Now, at 25 and having undergone three years of therapy, my new truth is that I was overextending myself, lacking boundaries, and missing work-life balance. Deep down, I sought validation through achievements tied to specific labels.
My identity has evolved. I no longer identify with the values that once drove my overwork. My sense of purpose is no longer linked to my job.
If truth is fluid and identity shifts, why cling so tightly to them? Why become defensive when they are questioned? Why endure the turmoil of an “identity crisis”?
Yes, it is uncomfortable. Yes, it is frightening. Yet, it can also be the most transformative experience if you embrace the unknown.
It took me considerable time and several identity crises to reach this understanding. I had heard it before, yet I resisted it.
I enjoyed defining myself, shaping my identity, and witnessing its development. What I failed to realize was that by defining myself, I was confining my essence into an ever-narrower box.
I wasn’t ready to accept that my desperate clinging might be the source of my misery.
Stop Running Away, and You Will Be Found
Oscar Wilde suggested that if you know what you want to be, you become it — that is your burden. However, if you remain uncertain, you can be anything. There is wisdom in this notion. We are not static; we are dynamic. I am not merely an actor or a writer; I am an individual who engages in various activities — I write, I act — and I never truly know what I will do next. Viewing oneself as a fixed identity can lead to confinement.
Each identity crisis has taught me the same lesson repeatedly until I was ready to learn.
An identity crisis can help you shed the superficial layers that entangle you in a perpetual quest for happiness.
While identity crises can be disruptive, I have learned to appreciate the state of non-definition they introduce. Instead of seeking to escape this phase, I have begun to explore it, leading to an unexpected sense of calm.
Benefits of Embracing Non-definition:
- Relaxing — You are liberated from the stress of adhering to a constructed self-image.
- Less polarized — You see yourself as simply another human being, allowing you to recognize others in the same light, beyond societal labels.
- Playful — You become more open to experimenting with how you present yourself, enhancing your creativity.
Challenges of Non-definition:
- Harder to engage — You may find it difficult to partake in superficial conversations that no longer feel genuine.
- Navigating definitions — You may still need to conform to certain definitions for employment or social interactions.
- Perceptions of boredom — You may be viewed as unconventional or dull, but some will always consider you unusual, so this should not be a significant concern.
Strategies for Regaining Peace of Mind:
- Recognize that anxiety often stems from external influences. Discomfort arises when you try to fit into outdated definitions or someone else's expectations.
- Restlessness may signal that you are holding onto what needs to be released.
- Focus on being rather than doing. Let go of rigid definitions and welcome the unknown.
- Practice sitting with your emotions, allowing them to flow without judgment or resistance. Simply exist in stillness.
- If your mind races, consider going for a walk instead of attempting to immediately resolve your turmoil.
- Meditate to cultivate inner calm.
- Treat this exploration as an experiment to alleviate the pressure of controlling outcomes.
I understand that suggesting you allow your identity crisis to persist may not be what you want to hear. You are likely seeking a quick fix to alleviate your distress. However, what I share here is what I wish someone had conveyed to me during my own struggles.
Identity can be a source of anguish. Our identities are intertwined with our egos, which can create turmoil. The more flexible we are with our self-conceptions, the better our mental well-being. If we permit ourselves to flow freely instead of forcing ourselves into rigid molds, we can discover tranquility.
“Stop leaving and you will arrive. Stop searching and you will see. Stop running away and you will be found.” — Lao Tzu
Before You Go
I’m Justyna Cyrankiewicz, and I write about simple concepts that can ease complicated minds.
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P.S. Please remember that this narrative is based on my personal experiences, readings, and teachings. If you are facing severe mental health challenges, seek support from friends, professionals, or community resources tailored to your needs.
Thank you for being here.