Chapter 1: The Burden of "Should" Statements

The phrase "you should" appears frequently in our lives, dictating a range of expectations:

• You "should" pursue a college education.
• You "should" aim for progressively higher salaries.
• You "should" seek a prestigious job title.
• You "should" aspire to a management position.
• You "should" consider marriage.
• You "should" buy property.
• You "should" have children.
• You "should" dress a certain way.

This endless list can be overwhelming. Statements beginning with "should" often create anxiety, as they reflect societal pressures rather than personal desires. In psychological terms, these can be viewed as "pliance"—rules imposed on us by external influences rather than natural outcomes of our actions.

These "should" statements dictate what we are "supposed" to accomplish, largely shaped by external expectations. However, the criteria for these expectations can be entirely arbitrary.

What if you could shift your mindset from what society demands to focusing on your individual needs and happiness? Rather than asking, "What should I do?" consider asking, "What do I truly need?"

I am currently navigating this transition, following six months of therapy, and it has been quite a journey.

While I've learned to identify these imposing statements and recognize their negative effects on my mental health, I've also started to prioritize my own needs. This shift has led to greater happiness.

Yet, letting go of "should" statements involves confronting social norms, which can invite disapproval from others. This is the daunting aspect of the process. Acknowledging your own needs and placing them above societal approval can be intimidating.

Through this journey, you may begin to perceive those around you in a new light. You might realize that some individuals are more focused on altering your behavior, telling you what you should or shouldn't do, what to wear, what kind of job to pursue, whether to have children, and how to raise them.

On the contrary, there are individuals who appreciate you for who you are, without imposing arbitrary standards of "should" or "shouldn't." These are the people who genuinely consider your needs.

Cherish these relationships and distance yourself from those who don't.

Section 1.1: The Impact of "Should" on Mental Health

The overwhelming nature of "should" statements can take a toll on mental well-being. They often lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety, as individuals grapple with the pressure to meet externally imposed expectations.

Subsection 1.1.1: Recognizing Your Own Needs

Chapter 2: Resources for Change

In this video titled "When and How to Use Should Have, Would Have, Could Have," you will learn the nuances of these phrases and how they can affect your mindset.

Additionally, the video "HAVE TO, NEED TO, SHOULD HAVE, I WISH...HADN'T in Japanese" explores the implications of these terms across cultures, providing further insights into personal and societal expectations.