Chapter 1: Embracing the Writer's Identity

So, you aspire to be a writer.

A wordsmith. A literary artisan. Perhaps a scribbler? The labels are numerous, but the essence remains the same. You yearn to connect with others through your writing, creating prose that resonates, inspires, and yes, even brings tears to the eyes of your readers. You dream of selling your books in droves.

But before you embark on this journey, there are a few essential steps to take.

You might assume I’m about to tell you to simply start writing. Oh, how naive! Becoming a writer is about more than just putting words on a page.

Cultivating Your Writerly Persona

First and foremost, invest in a tweed jacket. Yes, you heard me right—tweed, complete with elbow patches. I’ve owned three myself. Looking the part is crucial, and nothing screams "writer" quite like a stylish tweed jacket.

Next, acquire a typewriter. You may wonder why. In today’s digital age, it’s essential for curating that perfect #amwriting aesthetic on platforms like Instagram and TikTok. If you want to fit into the writing community, you must look the part.

Sharing Your Wisdom

Now that you’ve penned a few articles—maybe three—congratulations! You’re practically an expert. It’s never too early to start imparting the knowledge you’ve amassed from your brief foray into writing.

Forget about seasoned authors like Brandon Sanderson who offer free step-by-step guides on YouTube, or the fact that you can pick up an old copy of On Writing for just fifty cents at a used bookstore. Instead, share your hard-earned lessons from your day and a half of experience. Emphasize the importance of writing frequently—after all, that's a revelation no one else has discovered yet.

The Necessity of an Email List

Hold on—what’s this? You don’t have an email list? You should have started that three years ago! These days, even middle schoolers have email lists. In fact, consider your entire existence as an email list.

Really, you shouldn’t engage in any activities that don’t contribute to your email marketing. Unsure of what to say? It doesn’t matter—just start sending emails like it’s 1997 and you’ve just logged onto AOL.

Questioning Your Readership

You’ve crafted half a haiku, a few pages of a novel, and the beginning of a screenplay. Yet, no one seems to be reading your work. How can this be? Surely, it deserves a Pulitzer!

Don’t fret; your writing is not the issue. It’s the readers! Make sure to lament publicly about your lack of an audience. It can’t possibly be because you’ve only been writing for a few minutes. No, it’s definitely their fault.

The Struggles of Writing

If you truly want to be a writer, you need to voice how challenging this craft is. Share your struggles loudly and proudly through memes, tweets, and Instagram posts.

Let everyone know that every aspect of writing is difficult. Typing can be a real challenge. If you’re having a rough day, ensure that your entire social circle is aware. And if you encounter writer’s block, treat it like the catastrophe it is.

I once complained to a neighbor about the difficulty of writing after I’d spent ten hours lounging on the couch with Netflix while he had just returned from working in the sweltering heat as an airplane mechanic. I don’t think he quite understood the gravity of my struggles.

So, if you’re serious about becoming a writer, these are the steps you should start taking.

In the first video, "So You Wanna Be A Writer" by Charles Bukowski, he humorously explores the realities of writing and the creative process.

The second video, "So, You Want to Be a Writer?" continues Bukowski's candid conversation about the challenges and joys of pursuing a writing career.