Chapter 1: The Moment of Truth

In 2017, a pivotal moment occurred when my father, grappling with a recent diagnosis of gastric cancer, asked me a haunting question: was he going to die? We were at my aunt's house, a place filled with memories, yet this visit felt starkly different. My father, who once sought the couch for a post-meal nap, now succumbed to fatigue. Chemotherapy had altered our family gatherings, transforming them from joyous feasts to reminders of his illness.

I answered him honestly: yes, but the timing was uncertain. Although I sensed the end was near, I also believed in the power of hope. This hope became our lifeline, a way to cherish the moments we had left together amidst the agonizing wait.

When I see patients for various health issues, I always ensure to call them with their test results. Surprisingly, this isn't always the norm. With digital advancements, results are frequently accessible on mobile devices, yet they require interpretation, especially for those without medical training. A "normal" result can still indicate underlying issues that must be monitored.

In the realm of cancer, the concept of "normal" becomes obsolete. It transforms into a relentless cycle of waiting for tests, imaging, and treatment. Questions swirl endlessly:

• Will things improve?
• What’s the next step?
• Why is this happening?

These thoughts consumed me during my residency, as I juggled medical training, patient care, and my father's deteriorating health. I vividly remember when the oncologist advised against my father's decision to get a G-tube for nutritional support. I was well aware of the potential risks, but my father believed it would extend his life. All he wanted was more time.

"Think like a doctor, not a family member," he insisted. He believed my hesitance was detrimental to his choice. Yet, it felt wrong to deny him autonomy over his own treatment. In that moment, I recognized that respecting his wishes, despite my concerns, was more significant than my apprehensions. It is a choice I don’t regret.

What are the most common regrets people share as they approach death?

In 2012, Bronnie Ware, a palliative nurse, wrote about the typical regrets of those nearing the end of their lives. The most frequently mentioned regrets included:

• I wish I had the courage to live authentically, rather than conforming to others’ expectations.
• I wish I hadn't devoted so much time to work.
• I wish I had expressed my feelings more openly.
• I wish I had maintained closer connections with friends.
• I wish I had allowed myself to experience more happiness.

Reflecting on these regrets, I realized which ones I could still change today.

After my father's passing, I became acutely aware of the limited memories I had of our time together. Although I saw him daily, I lacked vivid memories of specific experiences outside of my childhood home. This realization has always lingered with me; I could have done more as a son, just as he could have prioritized work less.

Work often interferes with life. If you find that your job is neglecting your relationships with loved ones or even with yourself, it’s time to reassess your priorities. Connection—with others and with ourselves—remains paramount. Do not take it for granted. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Pursue that passion you’ve always wanted to explore, even if it means sacrificing some income. Take that trip you’ve been dreaming of, regardless of potential workplace discontent. While life is complex, perhaps we can simplify it in meaningful ways.

Chapter 2: Living Fully

To truly live life to its fullest, consider these steps:

1. Practice gratitude.
2. Continue to practice gratitude.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2.

Each morning you wake up free from pain or heartache, view it as a blessing. Expressing gratitude has been shown to enhance happiness. Over time, gratitude and life satisfaction tend to reinforce each other. While life may not always go our way, returning to a grateful mindset can be transformative.

Since my father's death, I’ve made a conscious effort to express gratitude. I feel fortunate to have been loved deeply and grateful for a father who dedicated himself to my well-being. Now, I strive to do the same for my mother.

I make an effort to keep my relationships strong, whether through a simple text or a shared meme. This dedication has allowed me to maintain friendships that have lasted since middle school.

People often make significant life changes after facing their own mortality—be it a cancer scare or a heart attack. I am constantly inspired by the resilience of those battling adversity, yet I also feel disheartened when I see others ignore their wake-up calls. One path leads to regret, while the other fosters growth.

Though regrets may always exist, especially as we age, it’s unnecessary to dwell on them. Instead, channel that energy into celebrating your achievements and aspirations. And always remember to practice gratitude.

This piece began as a daunting task, one I set aside due to its emotional weight. However, I felt compelled to share my thoughts as part of Medium Draft Day, and I encourage others to do the same!