Developing a Growth Mindset in Our Family: A Personal Journey
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Chapter 1: The Quest for a Growth Mindset
In the past, I often praised my daughter for being smart, yet I found it perplexing that she would become frustrated and give up easily. Adopting a growth mindset has enabled us to foster resilience and determination.
My family has learned to embrace a growth mindset, which has reshaped our approach to challenges and learning.
Section 1.1: Observing Our Children’s Abilities
My children exhibit remarkable intelligence and problem-solving skills. They learn concepts much faster than I ever did, and I never hesitate to commend them for their brightness. Our second daughter, Ella, often outpaced her older sister, Joy, due to the guidance she received from her. While Joy struggled for weeks to master riding a bike, Ella effortlessly took off during her first attempt, leaving us in awe.
However, around the age of three, we noticed that Ella would become easily frustrated when faced with difficulties. If she didn't win a race or came in second while playing Connect 4, she would sulk or give up entirely. This was concerning; Ella, with her evident intelligence, seemed to be limiting herself. In contrast, Joy exhibited persistence, often repeating affirmations like "I can do it" as she tackled challenges. What was the source of this disparity?
Section 1.2: Understanding Mindset
Although I had heard many discussions around the concept of a growth mindset, I initially dismissed it as a passing trend. However, reading Dr. Carol Dweck's influential book transformed my perspective on communication:
This book reshaped my approach to interacting with my children. Dr. Dweck states, “When we praise children for their intelligence, we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart; don’t risk making mistakes.” Reflecting on how we described Ella—using terms like clever and intelligent—made it clear that we had inadvertently instilled a fixed mindset in her.
What’s the Difference?
A fixed mindset suggests that abilities are static and unchangeable, leading to limiting beliefs such as “I’m not good at math” or “I can’t do it.” Conversely, a growth mindset embraces the idea that effort combined with inherent talent can lead to improvement.
Dr. Dweck notes, “Some students start thinking of their intelligence as something fixed, as carved in stone.” This perfectly encapsulated Ella's mindset, where frustration often led to giving up. We realized that our praise, while well-intentioned, was inadvertently reinforcing a fixed mindset by focusing on her innate talents rather than her efforts.
Chapter 2: Changing Our Approach
Recognizing the need for change, we decided to adjust our language. We eliminated phrases like “You’re so smart” and instead emphasized her efforts and the learning process.
Video Description: This clip highlights how both parents and children can thrive by adopting a growth mindset, showcasing the importance of resilience.
Over time, we noticed significant improvements in Ella's attitude towards challenges. She has become more composed, focused, and willing to tackle new tasks without the fear of failure. Yet, I still flinch when family members label her as a “clever little girl,” wishing they understood the impact of their words.
Video Description: This video provides insights on fostering a growth mindset in children, offering practical tips for parents.
Through our journey, we have learned the importance of nurturing a growth mindset, not just for ourselves but for the next generation. By shifting our focus from inherent talent to effort, we have empowered our daughters to embrace challenges and view them as opportunities for growth.