Chapter 1: The Quiet Observer

In the stillness of a city post-tornado, or in a bustling home filled with children, I exist like a living statue, absorbing the world around me without uttering a word. My presence is felt only when someone gets too close or drops a few coins in my briefcase. Unexpectedly, I spring to life, startling you—an unsolicited gift of a microinfarction.

This has been my way of navigating interactions with classmates and acquaintances alike, whether in elegant settings or lively gatherings. I find myself simply observing, letting gestures and words flow without my participation. My reluctance to speak stems from a desire not to waste breath unless I have something meaningful to contribute. I often witness people reiterating the same stories to one another, only to realize they’ve already been heard. I believe once something is said, it should remain said.

I prefer not to be the center of attention. In one-on-one conversations, I make an effort to engage, but don't anticipate much from me. It's as if I've run out of wood to fuel conversation—perhaps the forest has already been logged. Maybe I just don’t hold enough interest in the exchange. In group settings, I retreat even further, seeking a role where my input might matter, even if it’s merely a misplaced laugh.

My focus is often diverted to someone else, dear friend. Those close to me note my quietness, and they are spot on. I observe, but perhaps not as keenly as they perceive. When your chatter fades, I drift into my thoughts, which can be chaotic. If you only knew the turmoil that brews inside my mind...

If you were aware, perhaps you’d flee in fright or deny me a spot in your conversation. This might have alleviated my stress from pretending and suppressing my turbulent thoughts—thoughts that often intrude uninvited.

Imagine if a tornado were to approach. I would gather essentials and dash outside with everyone else, scrambling to find a vehicle to escape. Architecture isn’t my forte, nor do I know of nearby shelters, so we’d hit the gas, leaving chaos in our wake.